I realized my jokes are so freaking sick. LOL.
-cough-

I was enjoying myself on Twitter, spamming the trend #theGazettE and #HBDKaitheGazettE.
Yeah~ I hope Kai loves our birthday present sent to him from me, Grace and Jean!



Oh lala~

Just a fan.

Just a fan.

Just a fan.

Just a fan.

Just nice I'm listening to 'Crying Rain - Girugamesh' LOLOLOL.
It's like my song list knows what I'm feeling, and plays the song. LOLOLOL. Ok...... so later....

Ah, that's why I hate having obsessed and this feeling of possessive-ness over groups which I like their looks more and not their songs. LuckyI tried my best to stop this obsession, if not the amount of depression I feel know is a thousand times more.

Luckily, I don't like GazettE that way. As I imagine them having a wife and girlfriend now, I truly felt happy for them, as I know they'll experience more emotions and compose them into a song which all of us fans can enjoy.

I feel like, God is trying to lead me to the correct way, and try to warn me about the bad incidents that is going to happen ahead, by preventing me and 'telling' me to stop.

Like how I was obsessed with boy group bands the last time. Suddenly, I have this urge to stop. I'm so glad that it happened.

All I know that I'm always first and Him and he'll always love me, that's all I need to know.


Thank you, Lord.

4 months, babe! To my MacBook! Oh yes! If the job is good most probably im
Continuing with the job.

I cant wait to start and end it quickly, so that I can earn the income for my new precious macbook! If I managed to get one MacBook, I'm gonna carress it everyday and molest it. LOLOLOL

So far I've been managing well with the obsession! Didn't went to check the news updates! Although sometimes I was tempted to check, and with Peiyi spazzing to me about SHINee stuff, it's hard
To control. Luckily I kept thinking about my れいた and my dearest ルキ..

I was mesmerized by this actor, named しょうご さかもと。 he's only 1 year older than me! He's really cute and innocent type. Oh my.. Feel like pinching his cheeks!

You guys should watch hammer session drama. It makes you think back about your daily life principles. It made me reflect on human morals. And what wrong I used to do the last time.

Oh I can't wait~ my MacBook! Hehehehehe.

when you messaged in fb, I thought you wanted to ask me something important.
And WTF, "please help me expand my bakery in baking life?!"

I NEARLY FAINTED"

Its hard, but I'm going to persevere.
The temptation is killing me.

Somehow these days I don't have the appetite to eat anymore. My mom even bought KFC back home for lunch, the more I stared at it the more I didn't want to eat it.
Is my body getting sick?

My mood was always below average. I didn't quite feel happy or elated. The only thing that keeps me going is listening to YUI and BUMP OF CHICKEN songs.

I realized, Kpop fans' jealous is a real, real, scary thing. They have this mindset where the band is only existed for them, and them alone. (For some hardcore ones)
For some fans they are real friendly, but they abandons all promises to other fans when it comes to the real deal, like meeting the idols face-to-face.

This is such a scary scene. In the past, when I was indulging in this experiences, I feel that most of the time I have abandoned my friends and families. I was always stalking information about them online and watching their videos.

The addiction to go without all those its hard. During the addiction times I felt like I'm on drugs. That I can't go without doing those things everyday.

And it causes me to daydream about meeting the idols in real life, and things like that.
I realized I was close to being a mental person, that my whole life was consisted of them and only them. I was in the unhealthy range.

I decided to stop this obsession and craze. It's killing me.
So bye, I'M LEAVING THE KPOP FANDOM.

Again. Quarrel. Nothing comes out good in terms of money.


I'm on my own.

edit/

I will not fall prey to greed. Suddenly this thought was implanted in my head:

"I'm greedy. It's time to stop. Be appreciative with what you have."
And I felt touched.

Is it the power of God?

Will not fall into temptation and obsession.

Somehow today, I realized something.
Kpop is just an obsession to me. The urge to see the band members but not the music.
Thanks Cheryl for waking me up to reality.
When I think about GazettE "IF" they coming to Singapore to perform a live, I think about their music.
I find it weird when I didn't think the same way as Kpop.

I think I'm more to the 'Rock' genre type.
OH AND I BOUGHT GAZETTE POSTER TODAY! IM SO HAPPY!


The poster is real big! I'm still wondering where to place it. :D I'm so happy. Especially its from Filth in the Beauty concept look! OH MY GOD!!!


As I began to think, I realized today I have the feeling that Kpop has "abandoned" me. I don't know why. Or maybe the other way around.
Jrock FTW!
Thanks cheryl. :)

Ah, good morning earthlings!

I have done some photoshopping these days! I feel accomplished after not touching my photoshop program for several months.

Good and bad things happen recently.


But firstly, please do visit my Deviantart!
I learnt how to control my anger, and keep on persevering no matter how many times I failed.
I'm currently learning the basics of CSS and HTML, and I tried coding my website.
It is not that easy. I had to restart the whole code again and again, and thanks to Ryan coaching me along, I managed to completed 40% or lesser of my website!


Thanks Ryan for the server that you shared with me! You're truly a great friend.
Although you guys aren't interested in my website...however, I still wanted to post the link up.
Click here: Link


And the wallpaper above too. Too me the whole night to complete it. Although it may seem not that great in your point of view, but to me it's contains a sentimental value. This is the first result I didn't gave up halfway when constructing a wallpaper in Photoshop.

Well...I'm kinda proud of this.. It's my time and effort!

SHINee probably came to Singapore today without Jonghyun. It's kinda disappointing when I see advertisements all around the net and forums, advertising that they wanted to sell their Kpop Night Concert ticket just because one member isn't attending.

Where's the spirit? You go to concerts BECAUSE YOU LIKE THE MUSIC AND THE BAND, NOT BECAUSE OF ONE MEMBER.
Or that's what I thought. I wish I could attend the concert, but due to financial difficulties, I couldn't. What a lucky bunch of people who had tickets, but they didn't treasure it.

In my point of view, I feel that Singapore's music entertainment is formed by the public. What the majority of the public likes to listen to, or support to, they promote it.
It's kind of disappointing where Jpop wave was over, and they removed most of the albums in stores, it's such a big change.

I really hope that Jrock doesn't get promoted by the event companies. If they do, more people would just 'pretend' to get into the trend and 'pretend' to like the bands, like buying the concert tickets and not appreciating the music, but just the appearance of the band members.

If majority of such fans took up the tickets available, what happens to those fans that truly appreciate the music and wanted to listen to the band performing live?
They don't get the chance at all.

But that's only a part of the reason. It also depends on the fan's passion for the band, whether they are willing to queue up for the ticket..

There's no such thing as bad music, IMO. Different people have different taste in music.
Music is where it calms you down, gets you energetic, or feel touched, etc etc.

Ok wtf am I talking about.
Anyways, for this time, I think I don't have the chance to listen to them live or even see them in real life at all since they're entering through the VIP exit.
:( Ah, just pure fangirling moments, haha!

Oh! And I almost forget to add something:

Pei Yi bought for me Jonghyun 'Sticky' candy. Haha, more like on impulse since Huiyan was buying it too. I thought since it was ages since I last ate Sticky candies, so might as well enjoy this one!

I couldn't bear to taste it yet. Hopefully it tastes great!


HAHAHAHAHA AND CHERYL IS GONNA BLAST AT ME ONCE SHE SAW THIS.
TAKE THIS CHERYL! (Y)

I'M SUPPORTING THE KOREAN BAND GUYZ ALL THE WAY! I'M GOING TO BUY THEIR SINGLE AND ALBUMS. THEY DESERVE IT!

I have to tell myself this over and over again:

Looks aren't everything. Looks aren't everything, looks aren't everything.

Somehow, I really hate this low self esteem of mine. Inside me, I'm always having this thought:
"That girl is prettier than me, she deserves it more."
"I don't deserve this."
"She's more talented."

I guess that's why I'm always at the same stage of my life. Without my friends, I wouldn't have been moving on, completing each stage of obstacle, one by one, slowly.

As I walked down orchard or bugis, I see many girls wearing nice fashionable clothes, and I looked down at myself, only to have a sight of a normal graphical tee, a pair of jeans and a pair of converse sneakers.

If I said I'm not envious of the them, I would be telling myself a lie.
I have this really strong part of me, which I place "Pride" as my top priority. But I always convinced my mind to think otherwise.

I always refresh my mind with the past preaches from various people in my life, which helped me tons.

- Love everyone for who they are
- Endure
- Fuck appearances
- Love the weaknesses
- Love my enemy

I guess, if it wouldn't for the last one, i wouldn't have this peaceful thinking inside of me.
Although loving your enemy might be hard, but we might not know unless we try.
Hating someone is really tiring, why not love them?

Time to refresh my mind, move on and start to love.



I'm tired of hating people, and the things I hate to do. I should start loving them, one by one.
This way, I can live a better life. I won't worry. I won't panic. I won't have doubts. Because I know I believe in Him, whom he can see and guide me through the paths and the future. I trust in Him.

Ahh, another round of blogging tonight.

I have been attending Huiyan's cell group for these few weeks.
Enjoyed my time there. :) haha I get to know new Friends too!

I felt that to be able to work and earn income itself its a fortunate thing...
No matter how low is the pay... You get the experience which is priceless!
Had a chat with my friend, she has experience in working part times... Her jobs are all those high paying jobs...
I told her that I was working at home keying in the data entry, which is 50 cents per piece which I find it really good enough for me,
She exclaimed that it's too low paying job..

I suddenly felt annoyed by her. The way she talks... It seems like she doesn't appreciate money, in that sense to me.
You earn your own income, it doesn't matter how low the pay people sees from the outside, but yourself. Think about it,
If you are a thrifty person, 1k salary probably is sufficient for you, enough for you to spend things on, and it seems to you that the salary is high for you, and you're satisfied with the pay. Because it suits you and your lifestyle.

But people outside may think differently, they have different opinions, like "1k isn't enough for me", "it's better for me to earn more", etc.
The more the people think this way the more they hard
To find satisfaction with the greed they have. Greed can be easily cultured by the thinking we have.

Simple thoughts get satisfied easily.
Complicated thoughts are hard to find satisfaction.

Maybe they are not true, who knows.
Some people get the satisfaction by just listening to music, to be to walk, eat, do all the normal human can do.

It's all about the thoughts... Simplicity is the best, IMO.

For me, I think a peaceful life would be

Able to eat with my family and friends,
Talking and chatting, spending time with each other,
Doing the simple things i like to do.
Experiencing all the emotions and memories....

Happiness can be achieved with all the simple things that we do.
It doesn't mean we have to be rich, popular, powerful, etc.

I once remembered I was happy when I first saw one idols in real life, although it's from afar.
I remembered I clapped instead of screaming when I saw SHINee at the airport, boarding the bus.
I remembered I screamed for the first time when I saw SuG and LM.C at the airport, and Maya waved to our direction!
I remembered we laughed badly at MINDS cafe, and all other stuff.

Ahh those happy days.

Depressed...

SIM cards hates me.

1. iPhone Sim went wrong, couldn't text and call but data plan works fine.
People at M1 doesn't know whats the problem, just replaced the SIM card. now it works. (I hope its for long term...)

2. I borrowed my brother's phone for tdy, all i did was text and the phone says: "Please insert SIM Card" I'm like WTF!

....

i feel guilty. my mom's face was pure sian-ed type