Its hard, but I'm going to persevere.
The temptation is killing me.

Somehow these days I don't have the appetite to eat anymore. My mom even bought KFC back home for lunch, the more I stared at it the more I didn't want to eat it.
Is my body getting sick?

My mood was always below average. I didn't quite feel happy or elated. The only thing that keeps me going is listening to YUI and BUMP OF CHICKEN songs.

I realized, Kpop fans' jealous is a real, real, scary thing. They have this mindset where the band is only existed for them, and them alone. (For some hardcore ones)
For some fans they are real friendly, but they abandons all promises to other fans when it comes to the real deal, like meeting the idols face-to-face.

This is such a scary scene. In the past, when I was indulging in this experiences, I feel that most of the time I have abandoned my friends and families. I was always stalking information about them online and watching their videos.

The addiction to go without all those its hard. During the addiction times I felt like I'm on drugs. That I can't go without doing those things everyday.

And it causes me to daydream about meeting the idols in real life, and things like that.
I realized I was close to being a mental person, that my whole life was consisted of them and only them. I was in the unhealthy range.

I decided to stop this obsession and craze. It's killing me.
So bye, I'M LEAVING THE KPOP FANDOM.